Monday, May 01, 2006

Baby Steps

For posterity, and sanity, and whining, and hope, I am going to chronicle my journey to become half the man I am now. I promise to post on other topics and offer my own blatantly twisted thoughts and ramblings for your amusement, but please allow for a large percentage of posts to be related to all things weight loss. If this bothers you, then you can...(sorry, my dissatisfied stomach is a little edgy).

Some people act like you can't gain wisdom and knowledge by perpetual failure. They're wrong. You don't get to write a book on how you achieved your great success, be on Oprah, and other things like that , but, boy, you learn like hell. I know alot about diet plans, what it means to eat and fuel your body in a healthy way, and even why most diets fail. I'm not following a book or a plan because frankly I've read 'em all, and I really do know how to do this, and what to do, and even why to do it, mostly. I know that success will only come if all aspects are addressed: the physical habits of what I eat, the emotional reasons why I eat, and the spiritual satisfaction I attempt and fail to find in food. I know this stuff. Oddly enough, for a guy who looks like I do, I'm a real fanatic of fitness and training, just, obviously, not my own. I read constantly the most updated technology, science, and medicine regarding how to train, feed, and best take care of your body. I love reading about workout plans. I once loved working out, and probably will again once I get started. I've learned all of this why trying and failing for nearly 20 years (18, to be exact) to keep my weight under control. For now, those failures are the stepping stones I'm using to survive.

I'm experiencing a new thing, though, and I don't like it: an overwhelming sense of hopelessness, that I'll never get there. I think somewhere inside of me, with all the ways I disciplined and trained my body, gladly embracing short term pain for long term gain through 2 years of college football, I believed if I ever really decided to get in shape and lose weight I could do it. Maybe it's that all those failures in the past as I lost then regained plus some have finally pushed the amount of weight and work it will take to make it so high that the self assured athlete in me no longer feels unbeatable. I don't know, I just know that the last few days I've not been overwhelmed with a craving for some particular food or drink, but I've realized that the journey is so long.

Sometimes it's good to see the big picture, but I think that picture is more than I can handle right now. Maybe I should just make a good choice tomorrow at breakfast, then try to do the same for the next meal, and the next.

Whew, this is gonna be something.


janiners said...

that's so true! - making the next choice and the next one, trying not to be overwhelmed by the BIG picture or to be discouraged by how tremendous the journey seems. rejoice over every small change you're making that you know is good and then keep at it and make the next one. don't be discouraged or hopeless. YOU CAN DO IT! :-) WE CAN DO IT!

LiteratureLover said...

I think it's really cool how you are doing this and that you're so open about it. I am also trying to be more health conscious. I look forward to hearing your journey.

SuperMom said...

Baby steps. That's what life is all about. The fact that you drank a diet soda is incredible. You're gonna make it. Hang in there.

BTW - Diet Black Cherry and Vanilla Coke is not bad for diet.

SuperMom said...

a missing ingredient in your effort is one word. live. it took 20 years and alot of shit to get here. it should not happen in one year. i'm the last guy to talk about this stuff, but 20 years ago i lost 60 lbs in 6 months to play football my senior year. that was my goal and i reached it. now my goal is different. i want to live. i want to live to see my kids grow up and turn me grey before my time, which is already happening.

the problem you and i have is like many of those around us in this culture. we are compulsive. we want it now and anything else is completely unacceptable.

dude, have a diet coke and smile.

..........hubby of supermom

thebarefootpoet said...

You're right dude, I want to wake up in the morning with a six pack (visible stomach muscles, not the other kind, but, come to think of it...). Thanks for the reminder. It is, however, impossible to smile and drink a Diet Coke, that is some nasty shit, my brother.

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