For posterity, and sanity, and whining, and hope, I am going to chronicle my journey to become half the man I am now. I promise to post on other topics and offer my own blatantly twisted thoughts and ramblings for your amusement, but please allow for a large percentage of posts to be related to all things weight loss. If this bothers you, then you can...(sorry, my dissatisfied stomach is a little edgy).
Some people act like you can't gain wisdom and knowledge by perpetual failure. They're wrong. You don't get to write a book on how you achieved your great success, be on Oprah, and other things like that , but, boy, you learn like hell. I know alot about diet plans, what it means to eat and fuel your body in a healthy way, and even why most diets fail. I'm not following a book or a plan because frankly I've read 'em all, and I really do know how to do this, and what to do, and even why to do it, mostly. I know that success will only come if all aspects are addressed: the physical habits of what I eat, the emotional reasons why I eat, and the spiritual satisfaction I attempt and fail to find in food. I know this stuff. Oddly enough, for a guy who looks like I do, I'm a real fanatic of fitness and training, just, obviously, not my own. I read constantly the most updated technology, science, and medicine regarding how to train, feed, and best take care of your body. I love reading about workout plans. I once loved working out, and probably will again once I get started. I've learned all of this why trying and failing for nearly 20 years (18, to be exact) to keep my weight under control. For now, those failures are the stepping stones I'm using to survive.
I'm experiencing a new thing, though, and I don't like it: an overwhelming sense of hopelessness, that I'll never get there. I think somewhere inside of me, with all the ways I disciplined and trained my body, gladly embracing short term pain for long term gain through 2 years of college football, I believed if I ever really decided to get in shape and lose weight I could do it. Maybe it's that all those failures in the past as I lost then regained plus some have finally pushed the amount of weight and work it will take to make it so high that the self assured athlete in me no longer feels unbeatable. I don't know, I just know that the last few days I've not been overwhelmed with a craving for some particular food or drink, but I've realized that the journey is so long.
Sometimes it's good to see the big picture, but I think that picture is more than I can handle right now. Maybe I should just make a good choice tomorrow at breakfast, then try to do the same for the next meal, and the next.
Whew, this is gonna be something.