You ever have moments when there's an amazing sense of momentum in your life, but you don't really have a grip on it? Or more accurately, it's like it has a grip on you, and you know it's gonna be one hell of a ride, and you think you should be at least a little scared (and you should and you are), but you're also more than a bit excited (and that kinda scares you too). My life is in one of those places where it's very possible for some really big changes to take place, yet even if some of the more prominent ones don't happen, I know some significant shifts have already taken place at the deeper levels of my soul. I have a meeting tomorrow that I scheduled a week ago concerning a potential new job. It wouldn't be appropriate for me to be specific, but the thoughts of the past week as I have reflected on this possibility have revealed some really interesting things to me about who I am and who I'm becoming. I have a father's heart. It's not just loving my son, I don't have the words for what happens inside of me when I see him, or think of him while I'm at work; I would lay all of me on the line to protect him (and right now there's still alot of me). I see in me a heart to protect, guide, counsel, and be present in the lives of those I love, and to be a strong and trustworthy person in their lives.
In the midst of these thoughts came Maundy Thursday, the night of the last supper on the traditional church calendar. We had a very moving time together that ended with Communion, then took turns watching and praying for one hour shifts all night long. My hour was 3am to 4am. I met with God. I get a little nervous when I hear people say stuff like that, or "God spoke to me", mostly because it's become more "church-speak", it's the way to have no one question your hair brained idea. I didn't come out with any new ideas, or a checklist, although I did write down some areas in my life where I need God to empower and change me. Mostly, I just sat in the quiet in His presence. I believe the value of this discipline, and all disciplines have been lost in the modern "checklist" mentality. We don't practice a discipline to earn God's presence. The discipline is a means of helping us remove the obstacles we have placed in our lives to hear God, and to enjoy God.
Resurrection Day was beautiful. Litlover absolutely blew out "Uninvited". You rock, girl! What a powerful moment as we confronted as a community our tendency's to keep God at a distance. Kyle and Steve both offered great insights into the impact of that day and it's affect on how we live now.
The title of this post? Something Gandalf said to Pippin while sitting in Minas Tirith, right before all hell broke loose, which was right before a stunning victory. I'm sitting here feeling a little like the deep breath before the plunge. I'm ready.