I changed something this week. I changed the way I eat. Four days, anyway. I had a discussion with a good friend Sunday Night about the only diet plan I've successfully stuck to for the last, oh, fifteen years. It's called the "I'm Starting Monday" plan. You stick to it six days a week, Monday being the exception. On this plan Monday is a day of great frustration. Most of it you spend beating the full hell out of yourself for your lack of willpower, discipline, and general ability to do anything right. You also make bold statements and promises to yourself about how this is it, the last week. It concludes late Monday evening by determining since the upcoming Monday you will be in total misery, you might as well go out in style: Mexican, cookies, McDonalds, etc.
This past Monday I did something different. I started. I got up and had a healthy breakfast. Not to hard, I like cereal, and actually like alot of healthy cereals. Went to work, got thirsty, went to the Coke machine, first real confrontation: hear the sounds of metal ringing as swords are drawn...see the menacing Coke machine grow in size as I appear to shrink, the lightning fast sword strokes from the "Coke" button, but, no, I still stand, more lightning fast strokes from the "Sprite" button, not as good as Coke but plenty of sugar, but wait...I still stand, then the music builds, and from the ground where I have been beat down, the thrust of my sword...I push the Dasani water button...the Coke machine slinks away like Shelob the Spider, wounded but not finished...I sip victoriously. Momentum is building, I'm getting better with my sword. I've defeated hamburgers this week, everyday at lunch. To hear that correctly is to know that I have on a regular basis had burgers easily six to eight times a week. Maybe I should say that so far this week I've survived hamburgers, victory is many battles away. If you've read a past post of mine, you know the size of the battle I face. If you've seen me, you know the size of the belly I face. If you've seen my knees and feet...could you describe them for me? Been awhile. Sorry I digress. I need to lose pretty much slightly less than an average size man. That seems more than I can handle. It is. Still, I started Monday.
Okay, yes, I quoted the Bangles in my title. Yes, I liked them in high school. No, it wasn't because of their music. Yes, I've seen the error of my ways. Now say goodbye...
"Goodbye, poet".
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Sleeping Grace
As the potential for some very exciting things continues to look more and more like reality, I am in awe of the grace of God. A very good friend listened as I talked through what appeared to be happening in my life and how it would have far reaching impacts and he commented, "you're really experiencing a time of grace", or something like that, anyway, he just excitedly reminded me of God's work in this.
Tonight, as I finish preparations for church tomorrow, my wife is sleeping behind me, and my son is asleep in his room. I paused, turned around and looked at my wife, she's so beautiful sleeping peacefully there. I got up and looked at my son, sleeping soundly with his little butt up in the air.
A reminder came flooding into my thoughts. Even if all the things that I anticipate completely fall through, my life has far more grace in it than I'll ever deserve.
Tonight, as I finish preparations for church tomorrow, my wife is sleeping behind me, and my son is asleep in his room. I paused, turned around and looked at my wife, she's so beautiful sleeping peacefully there. I got up and looked at my son, sleeping soundly with his little butt up in the air.
A reminder came flooding into my thoughts. Even if all the things that I anticipate completely fall through, my life has far more grace in it than I'll ever deserve.
Monday, April 17, 2006
The Deep Breath Before the Plunge
You ever have moments when there's an amazing sense of momentum in your life, but you don't really have a grip on it? Or more accurately, it's like it has a grip on you, and you know it's gonna be one hell of a ride, and you think you should be at least a little scared (and you should and you are), but you're also more than a bit excited (and that kinda scares you too). My life is in one of those places where it's very possible for some really big changes to take place, yet even if some of the more prominent ones don't happen, I know some significant shifts have already taken place at the deeper levels of my soul. I have a meeting tomorrow that I scheduled a week ago concerning a potential new job. It wouldn't be appropriate for me to be specific, but the thoughts of the past week as I have reflected on this possibility have revealed some really interesting things to me about who I am and who I'm becoming. I have a father's heart. It's not just loving my son, I don't have the words for what happens inside of me when I see him, or think of him while I'm at work; I would lay all of me on the line to protect him (and right now there's still alot of me). I see in me a heart to protect, guide, counsel, and be present in the lives of those I love, and to be a strong and trustworthy person in their lives.
In the midst of these thoughts came Maundy Thursday, the night of the last supper on the traditional church calendar. We had a very moving time together that ended with Communion, then took turns watching and praying for one hour shifts all night long. My hour was 3am to 4am. I met with God. I get a little nervous when I hear people say stuff like that, or "God spoke to me", mostly because it's become more "church-speak", it's the way to have no one question your hair brained idea. I didn't come out with any new ideas, or a checklist, although I did write down some areas in my life where I need God to empower and change me. Mostly, I just sat in the quiet in His presence. I believe the value of this discipline, and all disciplines have been lost in the modern "checklist" mentality. We don't practice a discipline to earn God's presence. The discipline is a means of helping us remove the obstacles we have placed in our lives to hear God, and to enjoy God.
Resurrection Day was beautiful. Litlover absolutely blew out "Uninvited". You rock, girl! What a powerful moment as we confronted as a community our tendency's to keep God at a distance. Kyle and Steve both offered great insights into the impact of that day and it's affect on how we live now.
The title of this post? Something Gandalf said to Pippin while sitting in Minas Tirith, right before all hell broke loose, which was right before a stunning victory. I'm sitting here feeling a little like the deep breath before the plunge. I'm ready.
In the midst of these thoughts came Maundy Thursday, the night of the last supper on the traditional church calendar. We had a very moving time together that ended with Communion, then took turns watching and praying for one hour shifts all night long. My hour was 3am to 4am. I met with God. I get a little nervous when I hear people say stuff like that, or "God spoke to me", mostly because it's become more "church-speak", it's the way to have no one question your hair brained idea. I didn't come out with any new ideas, or a checklist, although I did write down some areas in my life where I need God to empower and change me. Mostly, I just sat in the quiet in His presence. I believe the value of this discipline, and all disciplines have been lost in the modern "checklist" mentality. We don't practice a discipline to earn God's presence. The discipline is a means of helping us remove the obstacles we have placed in our lives to hear God, and to enjoy God.
Resurrection Day was beautiful. Litlover absolutely blew out "Uninvited". You rock, girl! What a powerful moment as we confronted as a community our tendency's to keep God at a distance. Kyle and Steve both offered great insights into the impact of that day and it's affect on how we live now.
The title of this post? Something Gandalf said to Pippin while sitting in Minas Tirith, right before all hell broke loose, which was right before a stunning victory. I'm sitting here feeling a little like the deep breath before the plunge. I'm ready.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Beer, Rock n Roll, and Gas
I had one of those moments today during a very quiet day of work when some thought or idea that bugs me gets lodged in my mind. The shop I work at is a couple of doors down from a bar, so maybe that's what started it. For some reason, I found myself wondering then growing frustrated with this idea that there are "manly" drinks and "girly" drinks, "manly" music and "girly" music, etc. You know the thought process. Don't get me wrong, I like beer, especially dark beer, but I also like most of the flavors of Smirnoff Ice. I do like some pretty crunchy rock n roll, edge music for us in T-town, but I also love Coldplay, and enjoy Josh Groban, and Sixpence. I think what irritates me is being part of a generation that desperately needs to rediscover what a man is, we've replaced genuine, passionate, manhood with stupid little macho rules involving the way you talk, what you drink, what you listen to, and the list goes on and on. So we drink beer, puff our chests out, cuss, fart and burp and figure we're men. Then, I went home tonight and discovered my righteous rant needed to be aimed inwardly.
Okay, side note here. I'm pretty much a barbarian. I cuss to often, I think the only bad burp is the one where you keep your mouth closed and let it fill up with air, (unless of course you intend to blow it in the face of an unsuspecting buddy), and I think farts are funny in pretty much every situation, even funerals (long story). I admire a good booger. I won't even talk about the toilet (I know you're grateful). I'm a man's man, right?
How is it that on a regular basis I fail to do the little things that I'm responsible for? In these failures I put undue pressure on my wife, let down my friends, and stay stuck in some stupid cycles that a little consistent action would free me from. You know what's really sad? The ladies who read this blog (if they're still with me after the farts and boogers...which, by the way, some of you think it's funny too, you're not foolin me...) will simply say something like "Yep, he's a man alright, they're all alike." Standing up when you pee doesn't equate to manhood, it generally just makes you biologically male.
I have my moments, when I'm strong, compassionate, safe but a little dangerous, gentle and still a little wild, a fierce warrior and romantic poet. Most of us have our moments, and our poor wives live on them for weeks and months. My wife deserves more, my son needs my example, and I want to be what I'm called to be.
Okay, side note here. I'm pretty much a barbarian. I cuss to often, I think the only bad burp is the one where you keep your mouth closed and let it fill up with air, (unless of course you intend to blow it in the face of an unsuspecting buddy), and I think farts are funny in pretty much every situation, even funerals (long story). I admire a good booger. I won't even talk about the toilet (I know you're grateful). I'm a man's man, right?
How is it that on a regular basis I fail to do the little things that I'm responsible for? In these failures I put undue pressure on my wife, let down my friends, and stay stuck in some stupid cycles that a little consistent action would free me from. You know what's really sad? The ladies who read this blog (if they're still with me after the farts and boogers...which, by the way, some of you think it's funny too, you're not foolin me...) will simply say something like "Yep, he's a man alright, they're all alike." Standing up when you pee doesn't equate to manhood, it generally just makes you biologically male.
I have my moments, when I'm strong, compassionate, safe but a little dangerous, gentle and still a little wild, a fierce warrior and romantic poet. Most of us have our moments, and our poor wives live on them for weeks and months. My wife deserves more, my son needs my example, and I want to be what I'm called to be.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Noble is as noble does
I would call myself a Lord of the Rings fan. Everyone who knows me would then call me a liar because my love of the books and subsequently the movies is way beyond just being a fan. My good friend Literature Lover sent me to a site where she had seen a video she said I just had to post. She was right, and now it's posted. I'm gonna move quickly to what it is I have to say, but first one quick note. This is "My Sacrifice" by Creed, one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite groups. The video, however, features clips from the Lord of the Rings, all focused on Samwise Gamgee.
Kyle told a story at one of our gatherings about a King and his little daughter who gets lost. It was a great story (you just gotta hear Kyle tell a story). A number of things stuck with me but one of the "concepts" that landed on me was how that although the daughter is lost and separated from her father the king, she soon begins to lead, help, and inspire the group of runaways and orphans she connects with. I wish I could remember exactly how Kyle worded it, but the idea is that even though she was lost and so distant from who she actually was, to the point of no longer even believing those memories were true, her character as someone with noble blood eventually surfaced as she became the leader of her ragtag group.
Aragorn is one of my greatest heros. I want to be like him: brave, wise, compassionate, a leader. He is the righful heir to the throne, born noble, and he acts like it. I love Viggo Mortenson's portrayal of him. Viggo makes him cool, bad, and yeah, he's hot (secure enough in my manhood to say it). Maybe if I looked like that at least by appearances I would look like I belong with my wife. She's hot. I'm certain people see us together and the inevitable conversation of "How did that guy end up with her?" breaks out. If I looked like Aragorn, maybe they would say something like "Guys like that always get the hot ones!" (Until they talked to me and realized that I'm a buffoon who doesn't deserve her... good lookin buffoon though). Aragorn is a warrior poet, and he looks the part and acts the part because he is the part. So why at the end of "The Return of the King" is he kneeling before Sam and the other Hobbits? Because he recognized true nobility.
True nobility is a heart issue, not a title or position. Sometimes those with title and position also posses the heart: Gandalf, Elrond, Aragorn, Legolas; sometimes they don't: Saruman, Sauron, Denethor. Sam is loyal, true, brave, committed, passionate about his friend and master. He stays when all else would leave, he pursues when he has no chance of catching, and he is full of hope, encouragement, and common sense. In spite of the heroic deeds and actions of Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Merry, Pippin, and even Frodo, without Sam the quest fails, and Middle Earth falls. He doesn't look the part, but he is the picture of nobility.
I got adopted by the King. My bloodlines changed, the old ones passed and a new one came. I'm nobility. Maybe someday I'll quit masking my nobility in a fog of false beliefs about the King. I spent a long time letting those long separated from Him tell me what He is like, and now those much more familiar with Him sharpen me, and remind me that he is not a distant King, but my Father. Maybe soon my life will reflect the bloodline to which I am born, or, more accurately, born again. Maybe I'll be like Sam.
Kyle told a story at one of our gatherings about a King and his little daughter who gets lost. It was a great story (you just gotta hear Kyle tell a story). A number of things stuck with me but one of the "concepts" that landed on me was how that although the daughter is lost and separated from her father the king, she soon begins to lead, help, and inspire the group of runaways and orphans she connects with. I wish I could remember exactly how Kyle worded it, but the idea is that even though she was lost and so distant from who she actually was, to the point of no longer even believing those memories were true, her character as someone with noble blood eventually surfaced as she became the leader of her ragtag group.
Aragorn is one of my greatest heros. I want to be like him: brave, wise, compassionate, a leader. He is the righful heir to the throne, born noble, and he acts like it. I love Viggo Mortenson's portrayal of him. Viggo makes him cool, bad, and yeah, he's hot (secure enough in my manhood to say it). Maybe if I looked like that at least by appearances I would look like I belong with my wife. She's hot. I'm certain people see us together and the inevitable conversation of "How did that guy end up with her?" breaks out. If I looked like Aragorn, maybe they would say something like "Guys like that always get the hot ones!" (Until they talked to me and realized that I'm a buffoon who doesn't deserve her... good lookin buffoon though). Aragorn is a warrior poet, and he looks the part and acts the part because he is the part. So why at the end of "The Return of the King" is he kneeling before Sam and the other Hobbits? Because he recognized true nobility.
True nobility is a heart issue, not a title or position. Sometimes those with title and position also posses the heart: Gandalf, Elrond, Aragorn, Legolas; sometimes they don't: Saruman, Sauron, Denethor. Sam is loyal, true, brave, committed, passionate about his friend and master. He stays when all else would leave, he pursues when he has no chance of catching, and he is full of hope, encouragement, and common sense. In spite of the heroic deeds and actions of Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Merry, Pippin, and even Frodo, without Sam the quest fails, and Middle Earth falls. He doesn't look the part, but he is the picture of nobility.
I got adopted by the King. My bloodlines changed, the old ones passed and a new one came. I'm nobility. Maybe someday I'll quit masking my nobility in a fog of false beliefs about the King. I spent a long time letting those long separated from Him tell me what He is like, and now those much more familiar with Him sharpen me, and remind me that he is not a distant King, but my Father. Maybe soon my life will reflect the bloodline to which I am born, or, more accurately, born again. Maybe I'll be like Sam.
Friday, April 07, 2006
How long must I wait for it?
An excellent discussion was started via email regarding a particular article on Christianity today. You can click here to read the article then pop over to my good friend Daniel's blog and jump in the conversation. I like the discussion we're having, and I really like the guys and girls who are participating. I trust them, and it's like listening to theologians who have something in mind other than winning an argument. It's as if they might actually be interested in truth. Novel concept.
The conversation has stirred up a big mess in my head. I mean, clearly my head is a perpetual mess so that probably isn't the best description, but I had this nagging unsettled feeling as I attempted to comment and participate. I wasn't sure why, so I've done today what I tend to do in these situations, I've been quiet and thoughtful and let this work itself in and through my thoughts. I think I know what is eating at me. I'm still waiting for some conversation/discussion/argument regarding theology and Christian living to catapult me into the type of intimate relationship with God that I envision. The nagging unsettled feeling is that if we "solve" (which is not the goal of those participating in that discussion) or reach some agreement on the thoughts presented in the article, I will still be in the same place when it is all said and done. What I want out of that discussion no discussion can give me. I've turned the discussion itself into an idol.
Kyle has a recent post that I really get about not hearing God. I love what I do in regards to worship and music. I encounter a living God in those times and I am humbled by all that He is. I see the gospel in movies, I hear it in music, I read it in my favorite stories. God is not absent from my life. I have an expectation, however, in regards to how I believe my relationship with God should look and feel, and how it should change my thoughts, reactions, and choices. My reality and my expectations absolutely do not match up. This could be a Romans 7 kind of thing where I do the things I don't want to do and I don't do the things I should, but it doesn't seem like it, at least not exclusively.
Maybe it's that how God and I should relate is based on my expectation and desire, not on Gods design. Maybe I'm saying all the right things about wanting to relate to God but in reality I only want that on my terms, or "my expectations". What popped in my mind as I said that was the verse that says something like God wanting to do more than we could ever imagine or desire (a little help on the reference from you true theologians, if I'm not making it up). It could be that God in His mercy and grace will not meet with me on my terms because my terms are so far short of His intentions and desires for me, and He refuses to settle.
I'm joining Kyle in placing myself in a better place to hear and relate to God. I am going to begin practicing some disciplines, i.e. solitude, silence, fasting, etc. I don't do these things as a set of rules to follow, or as a checklist to complete, but in an earnest desire to hear and relate to God. As Kyle issued an invitation I would also enjoy sharing this with a few others.
The conversation has stirred up a big mess in my head. I mean, clearly my head is a perpetual mess so that probably isn't the best description, but I had this nagging unsettled feeling as I attempted to comment and participate. I wasn't sure why, so I've done today what I tend to do in these situations, I've been quiet and thoughtful and let this work itself in and through my thoughts. I think I know what is eating at me. I'm still waiting for some conversation/discussion/argument regarding theology and Christian living to catapult me into the type of intimate relationship with God that I envision. The nagging unsettled feeling is that if we "solve" (which is not the goal of those participating in that discussion) or reach some agreement on the thoughts presented in the article, I will still be in the same place when it is all said and done. What I want out of that discussion no discussion can give me. I've turned the discussion itself into an idol.
Kyle has a recent post that I really get about not hearing God. I love what I do in regards to worship and music. I encounter a living God in those times and I am humbled by all that He is. I see the gospel in movies, I hear it in music, I read it in my favorite stories. God is not absent from my life. I have an expectation, however, in regards to how I believe my relationship with God should look and feel, and how it should change my thoughts, reactions, and choices. My reality and my expectations absolutely do not match up. This could be a Romans 7 kind of thing where I do the things I don't want to do and I don't do the things I should, but it doesn't seem like it, at least not exclusively.
Maybe it's that how God and I should relate is based on my expectation and desire, not on Gods design. Maybe I'm saying all the right things about wanting to relate to God but in reality I only want that on my terms, or "my expectations". What popped in my mind as I said that was the verse that says something like God wanting to do more than we could ever imagine or desire (a little help on the reference from you true theologians, if I'm not making it up). It could be that God in His mercy and grace will not meet with me on my terms because my terms are so far short of His intentions and desires for me, and He refuses to settle.
I'm joining Kyle in placing myself in a better place to hear and relate to God. I am going to begin practicing some disciplines, i.e. solitude, silence, fasting, etc. I don't do these things as a set of rules to follow, or as a checklist to complete, but in an earnest desire to hear and relate to God. As Kyle issued an invitation I would also enjoy sharing this with a few others.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Between asleep and awake
My son started yelling at some hour of the morning. I thought he was hungry, and he ate a little, but not much. I sat in the rocker in his room, wrapped my arms around him, and he buried his face into my chest. His breathing leveled, and he rested, he was safe. I felt like a warrior of old, sword drawn, metal glistening, fire in my eyes, nobody would mess with him. Then I realized there were things I couldn't fight, things beyond my "swordsmanship", so I turned and buried my face in my Heavenly Father's chest. My breathing leveled, and we rocked there, the two of us, somewhere between asleep and awake, safe in our Daddy's arms.
Theology for Baby
My son was in the floor playing the other day, and I was down there watching/playing and somewhere in the recesses of my mind hoping I could get up. This morning as I drove to work I drove in silence, the radio in the vehicle I was driving doesn't work well at all. So I was thinking. I know, I know, fire away. I started thinking about theology (damn that broken radio!). I wondered why we so often refer to ourselves by our appropriate label: Calvin, Armani, Levi's, etc. I don't have a problem with using a label to help people understand something about where we are coming from, but most of the time it's like a team name, and we want our team to win. Here's the thoughts I started working around in my mind about sovereignty and free will (damn that broken radio!)
I had placed my son in a "world" I had created for him, complete with things to experience, challenges to overcome, new discoveries, and even a few dangers to avoid. I was laying/sitting in the floor, and in complete control of what was happening in his world. I wasn't moving him toy to toy, making his hands pick up a blue ball instead of an orange one, insisting he drive the little car, he was making those choices on his own. His ability to choose and experience consequence (which at his age I don't let him experience hurtful consequences yet, I intervene) did not remove control from me. He had a choice because I gave it to him, but it was his choice, and I responded to them as he made them. From my perspective, I knew the choices he was going to make, but I didn't make them for him, he still made them. Hmm, it seems that I was still "sovereign" and he still had "free will". Both existing at the same time? See, here's my deal. I know God is sovereign, but I know I have some responsibilities. I know that nothing I do can prevent God's purposes from happening, but I've been given a role in the Story and my actions matter.
I don't want to join some theological team and beat you down in a debate. Good theology is a tool that God can and does use to draw us into deeper relationship with Him, help us love others as He would have us do, and expose the vast array of insanity that the Father of Lies fires at us from every angle. I'm entering into a very significant battle in my life, again. (see my previous post) I need to trust and rest in the sovereignty of God in ways much deeper than I have to this point, and I also need to make specific choices and changes in the way I approach food, and nobody can make this choice for me. God is in control and I have choices to make. Both existing at the same time.
(deep sigh)...damn that broken radio...
I had placed my son in a "world" I had created for him, complete with things to experience, challenges to overcome, new discoveries, and even a few dangers to avoid. I was laying/sitting in the floor, and in complete control of what was happening in his world. I wasn't moving him toy to toy, making his hands pick up a blue ball instead of an orange one, insisting he drive the little car, he was making those choices on his own. His ability to choose and experience consequence (which at his age I don't let him experience hurtful consequences yet, I intervene) did not remove control from me. He had a choice because I gave it to him, but it was his choice, and I responded to them as he made them. From my perspective, I knew the choices he was going to make, but I didn't make them for him, he still made them. Hmm, it seems that I was still "sovereign" and he still had "free will". Both existing at the same time? See, here's my deal. I know God is sovereign, but I know I have some responsibilities. I know that nothing I do can prevent God's purposes from happening, but I've been given a role in the Story and my actions matter.
I don't want to join some theological team and beat you down in a debate. Good theology is a tool that God can and does use to draw us into deeper relationship with Him, help us love others as He would have us do, and expose the vast array of insanity that the Father of Lies fires at us from every angle. I'm entering into a very significant battle in my life, again. (see my previous post) I need to trust and rest in the sovereignty of God in ways much deeper than I have to this point, and I also need to make specific choices and changes in the way I approach food, and nobody can make this choice for me. God is in control and I have choices to make. Both existing at the same time.
(deep sigh)...damn that broken radio...
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Food, Worship, the Titanic, and a Quest
I'm sitting here to write this and my mind's racing so fast that even if my fingers could keep up I'm certain the random, attention deficit ramblings that would follow might change the face of blogging as we know it. (Masterfully overstated, huh?) Today has been one of those days when the truth I encountered in our gatherings seemed to land in some deep spots. I kind of smarted off about weight in my last entry but in reality there are some soul-deep issues involving worship, discipline, finishing, and selfishness that are working themselves out in the way I eat and the way I am shaped (like, the actual shape of my body, not my emotions and psyche and however else the hell people use the word shaped). I am compelled to start this thing by doing some real scary revealing (watch where you go with that, Kyle) about my current condition. Funny how knowing that some of your community reads this makes being honest both really cool and really scary all at the same time. Kyle has observed the importance of "naming" an issue, so I'm calling this one out...
I weighed 318 pounds when I stepped on the scale the other day. Nope, not a typo, sure, go ahead and gasp, whisper a cuss word with in a shocked manner(I will soon dedicate an entire blog to various emotions you can put with cuss words and how that changes their meaning), just about any reaction other than "lightweight" is probably appropriate. I snore to the point of sleep apnea, which is dangerous and generally difficult for others to sleep through. My back tightens up when I walk a ridiculously short distance, I love being in the floor with my son but it's so freakin hard to get up, and something usually feels "crampy". I don't fit in some cars very well, and I don't even fit in some seats very well. I'm a muscular guy, but on my frame a muscular guy should weigh 185 to 190, so, "do the math", yep, that's about 130 or so pounds overweight.
I wanted to put the numbers out there, so to speak, to confront some important stuff. We dealt with two primary things today: extravagant worship- involving the widow who gave a small amount on the surface but all she had in reality; and a lady who broke open a bottle of perfume and poured it on Jesus, and he called it "beautiful". The second thing or things were drawn from an introduction to the book of Jonah, which we are going to study. We looked at themes, and the two that impacted me most were "available ways to run from God" and the amazing pursuit of us by that same God we seek to run away from.
When we relate to God the way I believe He intends us to, and He reigns in our hearts, minds, and actions, I believe we respond with a "pouring out giving all" kind of worship. I believe, in fact, that whatever reigns in our hearts, minds, and actions we respond with a "pouring out giving all" kind of worship. When that is not God, the consequences spread like wildfire, or, in this case, my waist speads like wildfire. Steve said tonight: "There is always a ship to take to your particular Tarshish" and one of my ships is food. Heck, it's more of a Queen Mary/ Titanic kind of sea vessel. Of course, I've got a few small yachts, skiing boats, and a few dingy's I occassionally board for my run toward self rule. See, this is a lot more than will I just stick with South Beach or something, it's about what I adore, and will I follow through, and other things being more important than myself. Yeah, I need to lose the weight, make no mistake about it, but this is more than just the physical discipline of eating differently.
I'd like to say that these thoughts on the reign and rule of food in my life are new and revolutionary, but I've been here before. What might make this time different? Haven't a clue. What I hope is that this sense of the life of God in me, the Holy Spirit that I've begun to hear in more and more clear ways, the impact on my beautiful bride and my little warrior poet, and my community, will guide, counsel, encourage and empower a bonafide life change. So much more than ever is riding on this, for another truth we saw as a theme from Jonah is how my sin affects more than just me. I've always been moved by stories of noble warriors, chivalry, and causes that they have fought for. If ever there was a hidden "Aragorn" in me now would be a good time for his sword. Okay, an LOTR reference popped out, so, since it's started...it's off to Mordor. I need a fellowship, anyone interested?
I am feeling a little random, so on a side note, I think our band freakin rocked today! I just loved the way we sounded...oh, my brother Ben, my heart aches.
I weighed 318 pounds when I stepped on the scale the other day. Nope, not a typo, sure, go ahead and gasp, whisper a cuss word with in a shocked manner(I will soon dedicate an entire blog to various emotions you can put with cuss words and how that changes their meaning), just about any reaction other than "lightweight" is probably appropriate. I snore to the point of sleep apnea, which is dangerous and generally difficult for others to sleep through. My back tightens up when I walk a ridiculously short distance, I love being in the floor with my son but it's so freakin hard to get up, and something usually feels "crampy". I don't fit in some cars very well, and I don't even fit in some seats very well. I'm a muscular guy, but on my frame a muscular guy should weigh 185 to 190, so, "do the math", yep, that's about 130 or so pounds overweight.
I wanted to put the numbers out there, so to speak, to confront some important stuff. We dealt with two primary things today: extravagant worship- involving the widow who gave a small amount on the surface but all she had in reality; and a lady who broke open a bottle of perfume and poured it on Jesus, and he called it "beautiful". The second thing or things were drawn from an introduction to the book of Jonah, which we are going to study. We looked at themes, and the two that impacted me most were "available ways to run from God" and the amazing pursuit of us by that same God we seek to run away from.
When we relate to God the way I believe He intends us to, and He reigns in our hearts, minds, and actions, I believe we respond with a "pouring out giving all" kind of worship. I believe, in fact, that whatever reigns in our hearts, minds, and actions we respond with a "pouring out giving all" kind of worship. When that is not God, the consequences spread like wildfire, or, in this case, my waist speads like wildfire. Steve said tonight: "There is always a ship to take to your particular Tarshish" and one of my ships is food. Heck, it's more of a Queen Mary/ Titanic kind of sea vessel. Of course, I've got a few small yachts, skiing boats, and a few dingy's I occassionally board for my run toward self rule. See, this is a lot more than will I just stick with South Beach or something, it's about what I adore, and will I follow through, and other things being more important than myself. Yeah, I need to lose the weight, make no mistake about it, but this is more than just the physical discipline of eating differently.
I'd like to say that these thoughts on the reign and rule of food in my life are new and revolutionary, but I've been here before. What might make this time different? Haven't a clue. What I hope is that this sense of the life of God in me, the Holy Spirit that I've begun to hear in more and more clear ways, the impact on my beautiful bride and my little warrior poet, and my community, will guide, counsel, encourage and empower a bonafide life change. So much more than ever is riding on this, for another truth we saw as a theme from Jonah is how my sin affects more than just me. I've always been moved by stories of noble warriors, chivalry, and causes that they have fought for. If ever there was a hidden "Aragorn" in me now would be a good time for his sword. Okay, an LOTR reference popped out, so, since it's started...it's off to Mordor. I need a fellowship, anyone interested?
I am feeling a little random, so on a side note, I think our band freakin rocked today! I just loved the way we sounded...oh, my brother Ben, my heart aches.
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