Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The Wardrobe Door

When the four Pevensie's exited the wardrobe back into the old mansion after their first adventures in Narnia, they came back looking exactly like they did when they went in, but they were most certainly not who they were when they went in. Hidden and buried in the wardrobe lay their true identity. If you read the stories you know that everyone who went into that "hidden" land and came back out were never the same. Inside that place they were confronted with who they really were, both the good and the bad, and found the courage and strength to no longer hide either.

I said I never "hid" my weight problem. I talked about trying and failing to lose weight on this very blog. What I revealed, however, was basically like cracking the door of the wardrobe and seeing the fur of a few coats. Finding the truth would require someone pushing their way back through the rows of coats until you hit the prickly trees. In this case however, I stood on the inside of the door furiously guarding what was inside. Then something changed. I don't know if it was one thing or a series of things that led to it. A conversation with my dad about how his dad died of a heart attack in his early fifties, after losing a lot of weight, was certainly a sobering, sit down and rethink type moment. You see, I never knew that grandpa, but he was big and built like me, or, I am built like him. When he finally lost weight, the damage was done, he waited too long. That and other things were certainly eye opening "aha" type things, but I also believe that something outside of me had to draw me. The way something drew Lucy to open the door in the first place.

The result was this, my version of flinging open the wardrobe doors and saying "this is it, here I am, no more hiding." Something changed. I knew it then, I know it even more so now, this time is different. I'm not sure if I could've explained it at that moment. In fact, in having a discussion with one of my pastor's and best friend's he pointed out that somehow no longer hiding was a very significant thing for me. I reread that post and found something I had written then but it didn't hit me: "I haven't found it yet, but for all that is a warrior in me I will not hide, at all, anymore".

I think most of us would acknowledge that naming and facing your problem is the first and most important step to overcoming it, I've said that lots of times. I'm certain, though, that I never really understood what that meant, what it means to face and see it for what it really is. That's what I mean by hiding. Can I encourage you and challenge you a little? Find out what it means for you to throw the doors open to your own wardrobe. If it means posting a picture, do it. Don't post a picture if that's not what it means for you, because then the picture just becomes a decoy, but DO something. Post it on your blog, or if you want, I'll post it here and we can struggle together.

Edmund was a traitor, sure enough. I think we feel like if we throw open the doors we'll be found out as well. Uhhm, yeah, actually, you will be found out. It is what it is.

Something else was found out, Edmund was a King, and a hero, and his actions were a pivot point to victory for an entire "nation" of "people".

21 comments:

LiteratureLover said...

Oh man. Your last statement brought me to tears. "Something else was found out, Edmund was a King, and a hero, and his actions were a pivot point to victory for an entire "nation" of "people"." That is beautiful.

I think that sometimes all I see in myself is the traitor and nothing else. Thank you for these words.

Lanai said...

Well written article.

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