My Preciousss....

So this is kind of a part two to what I started a few days back. Read this post to catch up. I'm not sure if I know how to divide this up, so for all of my ADHD "short post only" friends, I'm sorry. You know, actually I'm not, just suck it up and read.

In quick summary, I posted thoughts about who we were born to be, using an illustration about Gollum from The Two Towers. I concluded by mentioning a friend of mine who practiced the discipline of fasting to help put a struggle of hers in it's proper place. I got to thinking about disciplines and felt a rush of thoughts coming on. I've had this thought that the authentic practice of the spiritual disciplines is of utmost importance in our struggle. Ephesians says we "wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers..", and I think we are losing this wrestling match on the deep personal levels, and consequently, on the public levels where we live and relate and have influence. I think we are losing because of how we "wrestle" and because of who we wrestle against.

I'm discouraged and depressed often about my inablility to win my battle against the bulge. Bulge really isn't a good word because for that would suggest pushing against my belt and "bulging" it out a bit. The reality is I have a full on prison break, the walls have given way and my belly runneth rampant. Not sure why the King James language there, felt right, though. ANYWAY, maybe part of my problem is that food is not really what I'm wrestling with. Most of my favorite foods, burgers, steaks, meat, are most definitely flesh and blood (go ahead and run amuck with that my vegan friends). While I'm not so certain that's really what Paul was thinking, I think there's strong application here. Our society is driven by consumerism, sex, food, excess. The reality is, for most of us who follow Christ we are driven by the same things. I guess the question I'm asking is if a person is addicted to pornography, is that person really losing to the pornography or losing on a much deeper level? I'm not suggesting that we don't name our sins and struggles honestly, I'm just suggesting that the outward expression is a surface sin, and we should name it as such, but we should also name the deep sins of placing ourselves and our needs on the throne of our hearts and lives. It seems bass ackward to me that it's more difficult to admit to certain surface struggles be they sexual, chemical, etc., than it is to admit I believe I make a better god than God. I just believe we need to rethink what it means to "wrestle not against flesh and blood".

How do we wrestle, though? I think this is where we must have a revisiting of the spiritual disciplines. Here's where I believe I have made critical errors in my life regarding these disciplines. First, I reduced them to a check list of habits to complete. Read my Bible, pray, attend church, witness, don't sin. Completing an activity is not the point, connecting with God is the point. I spent way to much of my walk following this cheapened and empty version of the disciplines believing it's what made me spiritual, all the while being chained to deep personal sins and being disconnected from God. Ultimately, through the faithful influence of Godly friends I recognized the emptiness of a legalistic faith. So I swung the other way and determined that any consistent action like that was just living a life of duty toward God instead of a life of love toward God unless it "felt" rightly motivated. How can I ever be rightly motivated, though, if I'm not connected with the only One who can change my heart? I think true spiritual disciplines are an important element in the pathway to seeing our lives changed and being set free. I understand that they are not THE deal, but I really believe it's so important for us to take a good look again. I don't have the answers. I know there are at least a couple of good books out there about the disciplines, one by Richard Foster and one by Dallas Willard. It would probably be good to read them, but I've read plenty of books that present things in powerful ways, and then not done a damn thing about it. How do we actually go forward, in a personal way and in community?

"Go Away, and never come back!"

Gonna try to keep this short, probably need to post a bit more often. Posting's alot like exlax for me, keeps the shit from backing up. Sorry. But ( no pun intended) I got alot to purge out here, so hang on. Daddyman and I exchange emails encouraging each other as we both wrestle with strongholds and addictions in our lives. In one of his emails the other day he mentioned he had reread a post of mine regarding Gandalf, and offered some really cool thoughts about Gollum as the addicted and Frodo as the Christ figure offering mercy and kindness and help. As I read what he had to say my mind immediately went to a very specific scene as played out in "The Two Towers". Shortly after Sam and Frodo foil Gollums attempt to get the ring and "capture" him, pressing him into service as their guide, Frodo confronts Gollum but does something different, he calls him "Smeagol". On film it is a brief moment but the response and emotion so expertly captured on the face of the creature is stunning. Someone had called him by who he was supposed to be, a river hobbit with friends and family and a love for fishing, instead of spitting out a gutteral name given in derision for his addiction infested noises. Part of what we are doing in studying the Wisdom literature at church is allowing ourselves to get a Biblical view of what God says about things like alcohol, sex, friends, and work, and how all of these begin and end in our relationship with God. Most of these subjects are shrouded in denominational preferences and conservatism, which are far too often in opposition to the scripture. I confess I don't know how it should practically play out, but if we're gonna take scripture for what it says, then one of the things it says is that we were born to be something beautiful. "I call you friends" Jesus says, "new creation", "dead to sin", "free". It didn't fix everything for Gollum, he had loads of difficult choices, and he failed often and ultimately, but it was an incredibly important starting point that gave him a chance. I can tell you that I need to hear Jesus call me by a different name, either by His Spirit or by His church. So where do I, where do we, go from here? In a flash of restraint and wisdom I'm gonna leave that for my next post.

A great friend is pursuing one of the ancient disciplines in response to struggles she faces. There's something real important about that, and my mind is running rampant with it, so stay tuned.

R - E - P - E - N - T, Find out what it means...

Kyle is preaching out of the wisdom (Psalms, Proverbs, Song of Solomon, Ecclesiastes) books for the next several weeks. I figured it to be good because Kyle is that kind of a guy. Last week he talked about the difference between wisdom and foolishness as not so much a specific choice about a one time situation, but as a pathway. This pathway is the way of wisdom leading to life, this pathway is the way of foolishness leading to destruction. Kyle is going to cover, at least at last report, wise and foolish pathways regarding friends, wine (alcohol), sex, work, and more. It had me wondering what would I do different if I looked at my struggles with food as not just a decision about what and how much to eat at any given meal, but as a journey down a foolish path that will lead to destruction. What is the larger decision regarding a change of direction, a change of pathway, in terms of the way I approach food? What have I bought into regarding food that guides me in the direction of gluttony, carelessness, and disregard? I'm not trying to ignore the reality that in any given struggle sometimes all you can do is just make the right choice this time, and not worry about what's down the road. Living in the present in that matter is often crucial. It has become somewhat clear to me, however, that addressing the bigger picture in struggles and making heart and path changes is an absolute necessity to see change. I'm pretty sure I'm talking about actual repentance.

I'm a confessing fool, especially since I started blogging. (Is that really a good thing? hmm...) I've said stuff in my blog with an honesty that is beyond what I've ever said in the past. I believe for sure that naming your struggles is very important. I've named them with increasing clarity. Forgive my bluntness but how the hell do you actually repent? Seeing things from a larger perspective and seeing a need for a deeper change than just eating habits is great, but how do you actually do this? How do you change paths? I understand and believe the language of Jesus and the rest of the New Testament writers when they said stuff like "the truth shall set you free" and "you are a new creation" and "tearing down strongholds" but my life just doesn't seem to look like that. I know I am not alone here, we all have that struggle, whatever it is. The one that owns us. I know we are broken, and part of this life is struggling and groaning for the time when we have ultimate victory, ultimate freedom. I also want to believe Jesus when he said that the Kingdom of Heaven, the reign and rule of Christ in my life, is here now. Where is the balance between these realities? How do we become what we were born to be?

Talk to me, people, let me hear where you see the same struggles. Let me hear where you see real change and repentance. Isn't this at the core of some of our real struggles? Our churches are filled with chained and bound people, me, and you, all of us. Yet Jesus and others in the Bible had the audacity to say we didn't have to be bound. I know struggle will always exist until God's kingdom is wholly restored, but shouldn't there be alot more broken chains laying around the altars and pews and dinner tables and baptistry's where we live and worship?